BookNet Canada and the Canadian Independent Booksellers Association (CIBA) invited former bookseller and community worker, Sarah Ramsey, to offer some guidance on conflict resolution and de-escalation tailored to book retailers.

Bookstores, especially independents are an integral part of local communities. They bring readers together with great books, authors together with their readers, and just generally provide a welcoming and warm experience. But what makes bookstores a great — personalized, one-on-one service — also opens up more opportunity for conflict.

And, unfortunately, conflict is on the rise, as more and more people are in crisis. Conflict arises when people’s needs are not being met. These root needs include:

survival (needing safety and security, and/or food, water, shelter, or sleep)
belonging (through connection with others)
power (through becoming empowered and building capacity)
freedom (via control and the need for independence)

Our nervous system has been dysregulated by the instability of global unrest and a pandemic, causing more volatile reactions to ordinary circumstances. These reactions can range from anger, fear, panic, frustration, confusion, anxiety, illness, exhaustion, or sadness.

Obviously, bookstores as a venue are not exempt from conflicts. So, what should you know as a bookseller to work towards resolving or de-escalating any conflicts that may arise in your store?

When attempting to resolve conflict and de-escalate a situation involving a customer:

Position yourself and your staff or co-workers for safety. Move out from behind your workstation and try not to pin yourself, or your customer, in a corner or against a bookshelf. It might seem counterintuitive to expose yourself, but many point of sale (POS) areas only have one exit, and you don’t want to trap yourself should the conversation escalate to physical violence.
Be mindful of your body language as well as the customer’s. Try to demonstrate a willingness to solve the issue by standing near your customer, but at a respectful and non-threatening distance; lean into the conversation, nod in agreement.
Be mindful of the tone and volume of your voice. Try to speak calmly and quietly to diffuse any shouting.

In a conflict situation, you can only control how you react, but how you react can help to de-escalate. Try to respond with kindness and compassion.

Scenario:

A customer arrives to return a book, stating that they found the content offensive. You ask for the receipt, per your shop’s policy. They willingly produce the receipt and you ask if they would prefer an exchange or store credit, again, per your explicit returns policy. They get upset and demand a cash refund. You calmly explain that you don’t offer refunds and point to the returns policy posted at the POS or on their receipt. They immediately begin recording on their phone, loudly claiming you refuse to refund their purchase on a “vile and offensive” book.

What might you or your staff do?

It’s human to react negatively when feeling threatened. The added scrutiny of being recorded can invoke a poor reaction to conflict. You might be likely to raise your voice, be curt, stand defensively, minimize others’ feelings, or stop attempts for civil conversation until you can regulate your emotions. But you can choose HOW you react to conflict; being prepared to address the conflict, find creative and efficient ways to solve issues, and negotiate a compromise are key.

Calmly and politely ask that they stop recording so you can have a productive conversation.

First, ask what the root issue is: “Are you more upset about our returns policy, or is this about feeling offended by the content of the book?” Discuss this. Offer apologies: “I’m sorry our returns policy isn’t addressing your needs,” or “I’m sorry the book offended you.” Watch your language here to avoid minimizing their (arguably, big) feelings; center the conversation on “I” statements and don’t place blame on the guest by saying, “I’m sorry you don’t like our returns policy,” or “I’m sorry you feel offended by this book.”

Next, ask what kind of resolution would be satisfactory to them: “What can I do to successfully resolve this?” Determine if their suggestion is feasible. Offer alternatives if not. Negotiate, remembering what the core issue is: are they reacting to your returns policy, or the book? There might be room for some flexibility in your returns policy but establish a boundary by mentioning that you’re able to accommodate their request just once.

Talk to the customer about why the book upset them, ask them their opinion about it or maybe have them describe what they were expecting or hoping for, and then offer to recommend something else. Try to turn this into a conversation that shows you are listening and willing to help. This goes back to the leading with kindness and compassion to address the root need for belonging through connection described at the beginning.

Lastly, upon reaching a resolution that pleases both you and your customer, thank them for coming in: “I appreciate your time. Thank you!”

It’s always a good idea to document the incident and record how it was resolved, reviewing with management and staff as a learning opportunity.

What’s next?

We encourage you to download, print, and display this poster in a visible location at your bookstore as a quick reminder of effective de-escalation and conflict management techniques.